When most women are upset, their emotions manifest into sadness. Characteristics include, crying, feelings of selflessness and depression. However, for a choice few like myself, sadness eventually manifests into anger. It's been a year since I first entered college, and the myriad of positive and negative experiences has brought me closer to understanding my emotions. For the first time in my life, I've faced vulnerability and rejection with a brashness that would've frightened me just two years ago. Recently, I've had the pleasure of experiencing the truest form of vulnerability: falling in love. Only, my story didn't end with Richard Gere, in a drastic change of heart, rolling up to my fire escape with a dozen roses. Instead, my love was literally shat on and all of my notions on love and compassion melded with the rotting pile already forming on my heart. Up until now, I've looked back on the incident, with melancholy, but with an understanding of inopportune timing. Fuck timing. And fuck sadness. Because that fact that I leave my phone on in hopes that you will dial my number, doesn't make me want to cry- instead, it ignites seething anger, mostly towards myself for holding on to a fantasy. It seems that this is the summer of laziness because every man I know, from 22-52 is opting to take the selfish route, neglecting the feelings of their significant others. In my case, I've been calling, writing, texting and emailing this man, well, I should say myself, because he refuses to answer. No, he'll return everything but a call, no form of communication is initiated on HIS own valition. Don't tell me you miss me because you work with a black girl who "looks kinda like me" and knows how to juggle ebonics and correct english. Don't tell me you miss me and then neglect to return my phone calls because you "haven't been feeling too well." And DON'T apologize to me because you can't be honest enough with yourself to tell me that you've fallen out of love or fallen too deeply into it to maintain our relationship. I don't want your "i miss you's" or "i'm sorry's" because they mean about as much to me as our relationship meant to you...NOTHING.  Even in love I can see that your self-serving approach to compassion is faulty and the way you go about being my "friend" is something I wouldn't wish on my less than important acquaintences. Your window of opportunity for anything has now slammed shut and I hope you can feel the reverberation in New York...the distant land, so far from Philadelphia that a relationship of any kind is IMPOSSIBLE to maintain. I am worth more than some man's half-assed attempt to "love me" and I'll wait as long as I have to to get what I deserve.   I AM indispensable, and I need a man who, at the very least, recognizes that. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you and I don't want to be your friend. The sad thing is, your actions have already proven that you feel the same way.