Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
As the rain drips aimlessly down the window pane, i run my fingers slowly along the piping of your shorts. I used to wear them like a varsity player's letterman jacket, basking in the envy of all the popular girls. Your scent has long since faded from the fabric and I struggle to remember the baritone in your voice....is soft, as we conspire against Dominique to decide who will bring dessert to the BBQ. She realizes our plan and in our surrender, we agree to bring forks instead. It's our first "from us" gift and I suppress my smile when my mind conjures images of cocktail parties and banquets as you start the car....stalls as we drive away from Philadelphia. Your eyebrows furrow as you mutter incoherently about your "stupid car" and I turn and glance longingly at the receding skyline. I try not to focus on the reality that this will probably be your last moment in this city and my last with you....are more gentle with me then you have ever been. Your lips against my eyelids do everything but stop the tears from forming in the corners of my eyes. I hold you close to me and listen to the beat of your heart, which matches mine with a melancholy semblance. It reminds me of the saddest song I've ever heard....myself tell you "I love you." My stomach contorts as the words escape from my lips, but the pain is one of freedom instead of fear. For the first time in my life, I completely disown my pride and acquiesce to the spirit of vulnerability. The silence that follows is deafening....so I close my eyes in hopes that all of my other senses will follow suit. But even in the darkness I hear her giggle as you murmer an inebriated compliment in her ear. Anger shoots in red hot spurts from my chest to my throat, and I open my mouth in preparation for the flames that I pray will be released...your grip on my waist, after a playful nudge to your abdomen. My roommate rolls her eyes in mock disdain as you shower me with kisses that echo throughout our tiny apartment. I flush in embarrassment, because you've only talked to her one.... time, and that was in September. I nod my head hesitantly and try to focus on the warmth of your skin against mine. A million questions run through my mind, but the rhythm of your body relaxes my uncertainty....in telling the object of my affection for the past 5 months, that my energies were now focused on you. He looks at me with confusion as I try to explain this new relationship that developed over the course of two weeks. I use the term "quasi boyfriend" to describe the man who systematically severed all my ties to other romantic interests....were similar, and our conversations became so habitual that ending them with endearing pet names was normal. Minutes were converted into hours as we discussed our "favorites" and made predictions for the future. I'd initiate our departure with "goodnight sweethart," to which you replied...."tell me your name again." I looked at you in disbelief and wondered why I hadn't chosen someone else to be my class partner. But there was something intriguing in your failed memory, so I didn't mind when you tried to get to know...Chris, from our psychology class?" "No, I've never met him."
Posted at 02:11 am by DramaDBen4
